Masters of our own downfall?

The Following was sent in by Ryan Corless

Despite beating Chelsea twice, Arsenal once, and losing only 7 times all season, it turned out to be another season of disappointment and ultimately misery for the City faithful. After failing to learn from our mistakes one too many times, we endured three late losses against our fierce rivals from over the road. A run of eight straight draws did nothing to help our push for a top 4 place. The misery was confirmed on the last Wednesday of the season, when Spurs came to Eastlands and did what they do best; beat City.

Our problems began in September, with an on fire Emmanuel Adebayor stupidly getting himself banned for a number of games after scoring four times in his first four games. A moment that was highly significant in our pursuit of 4th place, as one can only wonder how well Adebayor would have done in a Blue shirt given a consistent run of games. However, up stepped Carlos Tevez in an attempt to show City why we invested £25million on him in the first place, with a particularly impressive December for the small Argentine, bagging 8 goals in 7 games.

Slowly and steadily we grew into a team that genuinely looked capable of breaking the top 4 threshold, a convincing 3-0 win against Wolves was particularly impressive. But spineless performances against Everton at Goodison Park and Hull at the KC stadium meant it was another 6 points dropped in a season where every point would turn out to be vital.

However, come January we were still in a position where winning both domestic cups was possible, with the semi-final against United high on our list of priority. A less than convincing 2-1 win at Eastlands was enough to see us take an advantage to Old Trafford, but any City watching the game that night knew we suffered a beating in the latter stages of the second half and to take a lead to the second leg was fortunate to say the least. Still, in typical City fashion, we decided to give up our chances of a famous semi-final win in the last minute of the game, with Wayne Shrek scoring a painful goal for Blues all over to have to watch.

A disappointing loss to Stoke away in the FA Cup fifth round replay followed, with Adebayor getting sent off for a less than clever elbow, just after the Togolese striker had begin to re-create the form that saw him become an instant hit at City in the first four games of the campaign. Another mountain to climb for City, a mountain that we climbed fairly well, with an unbelievable win at Stamford Bridge following the FA cup exit. Unfortunately we didn’t follow the win at the would-be champions up with a great month after drawing to Sunderland and losing at home to Everton.

Crushing victories over Burnley and Birmingham followed in April, but our inability to accept a point in the fourth Manchester derby of the season meant another difficult pill to swallow.

Eventually, the same arrogance cost us any chance of a last-day battle off with Spurs for 4th place, a battle off that, we would have come out on top of, had we settled for a point in a game that we were clearly second best in. Despite an unusual amount of optimism surrounding the City of Manchester before the game, City failed to put in a performance, with several players fading despite being such a big part of the previous 36 games, as it was, Peter Crouch scored a scrappy goal which took our London rivals to the Champion’s League ahead of us, in true City fashion, we again waited until the last 10 minutes to scupper our chances of success.

Overall, due to our own over-estimation of our ability in too many games, it was disappointment for our beloved Blues and it meant another season without silverware. There were definitely positives though, with City breaking all sorts of records along the way, given a little bit more consistency, fewer minutes added on in Manchester derbies, and fewer stamps to the faces of Dutch players, next season could prove to be the one where we crack the top 4 and maybe snatch a domestic cup along the way.

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Times, They Are A-Changin’

The following was submitted by BlueWolf.

In 1882, the cricket club (presumably fed up with being shown up by the sporting footballers) asked St. Mark’s to leave, and so they moved to Queen’s Road, a little further east along Hyde Road. However, some of the cricketers, presumably fearing for their manliness, joined this new football club, and so the men¹ from the Ironworks, the street and the cricket club made up the squad of St. Mark’s.

It was during this time and up into 1884, that St. Mark’s football club, underwent major changes, the biggest of which was to change the name to West Gorton (including moving once more to Pink Bank Lane – presumably to appease the local growing gay community), in fact, the senior church figures were indeed instrumental to these changes, because they wanted to create a proper professional side; it was also mentioned by Beastow that he had one or two problems from Ms. Connell.

“What did I tell you, Bertrand? She’s a woman! What the dickens she is doing out of the kitchen, I will never know, my dear chap. Someone ought to take a rod to her!”

At the end of 1884, a massive riot occurred between Gorton and Openshaw², and it became evident that the area desperately needed something to belong to. The club joined the Manchester FA, and Beastow presented the players with a brand new kit; black with a white Maltese Cross on it³.

The 1880’s were very pivotal in the growth of West Gorton, as once again they found themselves moving once again, and sat and watched the Heathens start to win things such as the Manchester Cup. West Gorton wanted to be a part of this, and they felt that they had to return to their roots by returning to an area they were more familiar with (and where the hookers were also cheaper).

They moved to Bennett Street changing their name yet again to Ardwick, and with a brand new pitch, their opening fixture on September 10th 1887 against Salford FC was announced. Alas, West Gorton didn’t actually show up – it was half-price night on Sackville Street – and the term ‘Typical City’ begun.*

¹ For the purposes of men, read: white men
² Once more, not at all like today
³ Some noted that it was also very German in style – not that anyone minded, because as every Englishman knew, Germans were very nice people, and would never do something silly like start a war.
*Well, obviously not “typical City”, because they were called West Gorton. Actually they were called Ardwick at this point in time, although they did try out ‘The Fun-Loving Funktastic Fun-Boys’ for a time, but it didn’t work out too well.

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Many thanks
BlueWolf

Time For The Fat Lady To Sing On Abusive Songs

The following was submitted by mcfcirish.

I have decided to write this article about a subject that I am sure divides football fans opinion; abusive songs/chants. Chanting and singing are and will always be part of the spectacle of football, so let me say straight off that I am not calling for a ban on singing at football games!

Perhaps I can put forward an example if a song that bugs me, the song in question is ‘The Fields of Athenry’. I’ve always hated the damned thing, as an proud Irishman this song is far from patriotic, all it does is drag up the past and has an air of ‘small oppressed nation’ nonsense that bugs me. As I mentioned I feel it drags up the past and while football should treasure its history the history of nations, conflicts etc, has no place whatsoever in football. After all is that not the reason we come to watch football? To get away from religion, politics, etc?

‘The Fields of Athenry’ is a song that has been adopted by Munster rugby fans, let me first say for those not up on their geography, Athenry is in Galway which is in the province of Connacht and NOT in Munster so why they sing it is beyond me. The same song has also been adopted by a certain section of Glasgow, why they feel the need to sing it at a football game I’ll never know, if they were so interested in bringing up the past and shouting at people on the opposite side of the fence then maybe they should consider a job in politics.

This song and many others are, in my view, one of the main reason we no longer see international friendlies between the Republic of Ireland, Northern Ireland and England. These kinds of games would be passionate enough affairs even if sectarian etc songs were banned so let’s stop the singing of these songs altogether and have friendlies that fans of the three above nations can get excited about. The majority of fans from the three nations are I’m sure, totally fed up about hearing about the past and just want to enjoy an ‘international’ derby game or two. Maybe I’m asking too much, hopefully I have given people who may sing these kind of songs something to think about.

Now, onto the clubs scene, again chanting and singing is a BIG part of club football, it adds to the atmosphere and fun at games of football. But like its international counterpart, there are songs that couldn’t have less to do with football. United fans seem to think it’s clever to sing and make fun of Hillsborough and we City fans think it’s alright to sing about the Munich air disaster. Both of those examples were obvious cases of human tragedy and disaster, we may dislike our archenemies on the football field and on the terraces but when we start singing about events, where lives have been lost, then we are crossing the line.

One thing that seems to confuse me is the fact parents seem to be concerned about their kids hearing swearing at football grounds but aren’t concerned about songs that make fun of events of the past just as bad? Surely if a kid grows up hearing this kind of stuff he or she will think it is ok to make light of the same or similar events in the future. Football has made great strides in stamping out racism at grounds and all those involved should be applauded for it but what I am asking now is that we all try and get together and put a lid on abusive songs based on religion and history. We fans are proud of our clubs, why should we feel the need to tarnish our beloved club’s image by singing such songs? Surely we are better than that? I am not for one minute saying singing should be banned because if I were, we may as well ban the whole game while we are at it. Singing and teasing is part of the game but there is a line and surely if clubs and fans can get together to establish where that line is, then all the better for the game as a whole. I hope that I have given everyone something to think about and let me end by saying I’ll be looking forward to seeing you and hearing you all on the terraces soon.

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We Are Gorton, Super Gorton, We Are Gorton From … Umm …

The following was submitted by BlueWolf.

And so the history that was to become funnily enough, the history of Manchester City, began in the year of 1880. Now although we learned that it was a woman that created our beloved club, we see William Beastow stepping forward to disagree completely. It was him that had come up with the original idea to create a cricket team five years earlier, and it is he who is regarded to have come up with the initial idea of creating a football team¹. He was also quoted in the weekly church minute meetings, as saying, “A woman? A woman in charge of football? No good can come of it, Bertrand.²”

However, regardless of who was the true founder, Beastow recruited hard-working honest men from the local ironworks factory, whereas Anna Connell recruited those who were, shall we say, scum, and the very first recorded game using these men was against a Baptist Church from Macclesfield on November 13th. The final score is unknown, so it can only be presumed that St. Mark's were awesome and they won, like 85-0 or something.

Due to literacy and numeracy not being practiced particularly well, teams were made up of twelve, instead of the usual eleven, although this might have had something to do with 'Fatty' McTavish, who always insisted on being a part of everything, even though he was less use than a venereal disease.

Newspapers of the day, began their talent of not being able to report the news correctly, by calling this new team either St. Mark's or West Gorton, and changing it on a day-to-day basis. Unknown to all, this bad reporting would go unchecked throughout the history of 'news'papers up to and including the present day.³

In the 'season' of 1881/2, St. Mark's met for the very first time, what were to become their arch enemy; Newton Heath. So apt was their name, that it leant itself to the name 'Heathens', which they have been doing their utmost to live up to ever since. The game was played at their new home Kirkmanshulme Cricket Club, thereby finally being able to show the locals what a proper sport was. Again, the final score is unknown, but, again, we can only presume it was an embarrassing result for the Heathens, who more than likely ran home crying like little girls.

¹ Football had actually been introduced to Manchester at least 600 years before hand, and was in fact banned on at least three occasions in the 1300's within the city limits - most notably by Edward II and Richard III. They were obviously gay.
² See, Karen Brady for further proof.
³ Go on, I dare you to prove to me that I am wrong. Yeah, that's what I thought. Pussies.

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Transfer Targets: Oscar Cardozo

The following was submitted by Kevez

Full Name: Óscar René Cardozo

Born: 20th May 1983, Juan Eulogio Estigarribia, Paraguay

Height: 1m 94cm

Position: Striker

Current Club: Benfica

Former Club: Club Atlético 3 de Febrero (PAR), Club Nacional (PAR), Club Atlético Newell's Old Boys (ARG)
Squad Number: 7

Club Career: 181 appearances, 106 goals

International Record: Paraguay, 29 caps, 4 goals at full international level

Did You Know? Cardozo is nicknamed "Tacuara" which in Guarani, a Paraguayan Indian language, means "big cane."

First Impressions

Cardozo is a big, strong centre forward who is excellent in the air and possesses a fairly good touch, technique and movement for a big guy. He has a habit of getting himself into the right areas and although he does miss some chances that he should really convert, he has an excellent strike rate at club level. Cardozo is an expert penalty and free kick taker.

Do We Need Him?

My opinion is that given as Craig Bellamy seems to play as a left winger these days we only really have Carlos Tevez and Emmanuel Adebayor as serious striking options which means that we really need more striking options if we are serious about challenging on all fronts. I fully expect Jo, Valeri Bojinov, Felipe Caicedo and Robinho to all be shown the door this summer and Roque Santa Cruz always seems to be injured or trying to get himself match fit which is not really of much use to us. Of course we have a pressing need for players in other positions but I can seriously see 1 if not 2 strikers being signed this summer as a welcome addition to our main 2 forwards as successful teams usually require 3 to 4 strikers to see them through a long, tough season.

The Likely Cost

Benfica are rumoured to have paid around €11.1 million for Cardozo in June 2007 – They acquired 100% of the player which has taken care of any previous co-ownership issues. Benfica are rumoured to not be in the best financial state so a bid of around £12 - £18 million should be more than enough to acquire the player.

Chances Of Success?

I think that we’re going to need another big striker as an alternative to Adebayor and despite wanting to see Santa Cruz succeed there must be some doubt whether that will actually happen given his awful luck with injuries. Cardozo has usually been something of an understudy to Santa Cruz at international level but there is no doubt that he would give better value for money as he seems to be a lot less susceptible to injuries and probably has a better all-round set of skills. Seeing that Cardozo’s agent seems to have been giving encouraging signs to the press today I’d rate this one as about 8/10.

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How It All Began

The following was submitted by BlueWolf.

It was the late 19th century – 1880 to be exact – and the City of Manchester was a grimy grease-hole where law and order was best described as 'not done very well'. The Industrial Revolution that had begun in the city, and spread Worldwide had put Manchester firmly on the map¹, resulting in many to come to this place to find employment at some degrading and unfilling workplace (not at all like today).

Trouble was that there were many that arrived that had the common sense and skill of a cabbage, and so for these men, their days were spent drinking, wandering around aimlessly, picking random fights and rogering anything that moved (again, not at all like today).

This turn of events had however not gone unnoticed by a certain Anna Connell of St. Mark's Church in West Gorton, who had taken it upon herself to propose that the local men needed something better to do, than beating ten tons of shit out of each other. She even pointed to the passage of scripture in Thessalonians 1, ch5, v7, that states: “For they that sleep sleep in the night; and they that be drunken are drunken in the night; and they that are buggered up the jacksie will more than likely be relatively upset during the night”.

Suggesting to the Church Warden, William Beastow, she surmised that the men's daily routine would be better served via the church organising games in the manner of a new and upcoming sport called 'football'.
And so it became so; the first and only club to have been formed by a woman – yes, I know! I find it as hard to believe as you do, but that's what history says. So the next time your woman complains about you watching the game, you just remind her of ol' Anna. Put that in your pipe and smoke it! And while you're at it, make me some dinner woman, I'm hungry.

Anyway, the team was named St. Mark's (wonder how long it took her to come up with that name), and the men finally had something to do. The first game was set-up and went off without much fuss, until they realised upon arriving that there was no-one to play with and that they would actually need some opponents; something that Anna had failed to realise initially (silly cow).

Once the confusion that had occured during their first game had been solved, the men that signed up for the team of St. Mark's spent their days practising this so-called football, and being preached to about the error of their ways. So successful was Ms Connell's approach, that it was reported that sexual assualt in the area dropped by a staggering 37%, although there were some that attributed this to the fact that the men were too knackered to 'get it up', due to the intensive short-passing and 4-3-3-1 system she had introduced.

It is worthy to note that from 1875 up until the incarnation of the St. Mark's football team, the church had played cricket, which of course they had been ridiculed by the nearby St. Peter's for playing a game fit for pansies. To this day, St. Peter's still holds their annual tiddly-winks tournament, and they are very proud of it, thank you very much.

¹ This was the first time that Manchester had actually accomplished anything noteworthy since 1439, when Horace Bogshaw had declared himself the reincarnation of a hamster, and successor to the throne of England.

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