We Are Gorton, Super Gorton, We Are Gorton From … Umm …

The following was submitted by BlueWolf.

And so the history that was to become funnily enough, the history of Manchester City, began in the year of 1880. Now although we learned that it was a woman that created our beloved club, we see William Beastow stepping forward to disagree completely. It was him that had come up with the original idea to create a cricket team five years earlier, and it is he who is regarded to have come up with the initial idea of creating a football team¹. He was also quoted in the weekly church minute meetings, as saying, “A woman? A woman in charge of football? No good can come of it, Bertrand.²”

However, regardless of who was the true founder, Beastow recruited hard-working honest men from the local ironworks factory, whereas Anna Connell recruited those who were, shall we say, scum, and the very first recorded game using these men was against a Baptist Church from Macclesfield on November 13th. The final score is unknown, so it can only be presumed that St. Mark's were awesome and they won, like 85-0 or something.

Due to literacy and numeracy not being practiced particularly well, teams were made up of twelve, instead of the usual eleven, although this might have had something to do with 'Fatty' McTavish, who always insisted on being a part of everything, even though he was less use than a venereal disease.

Newspapers of the day, began their talent of not being able to report the news correctly, by calling this new team either St. Mark's or West Gorton, and changing it on a day-to-day basis. Unknown to all, this bad reporting would go unchecked throughout the history of 'news'papers up to and including the present day.³

In the 'season' of 1881/2, St. Mark's met for the very first time, what were to become their arch enemy; Newton Heath. So apt was their name, that it leant itself to the name 'Heathens', which they have been doing their utmost to live up to ever since. The game was played at their new home Kirkmanshulme Cricket Club, thereby finally being able to show the locals what a proper sport was. Again, the final score is unknown, but, again, we can only presume it was an embarrassing result for the Heathens, who more than likely ran home crying like little girls.

¹ Football had actually been introduced to Manchester at least 600 years before hand, and was in fact banned on at least three occasions in the 1300's within the city limits - most notably by Edward II and Richard III. They were obviously gay.
² See, Karen Brady for further proof.
³ Go on, I dare you to prove to me that I am wrong. Yeah, that's what I thought. Pussies.

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